I remember the times in my life when I literally felt myself stepping off into "space," one foot barely on the ground, at the edge of decision - and being in that space sometimes for years before those choices actually coalesced and manifested.

I remember my values changing, especially after having children - the choices were so clear they were easy to make - growth seemed effortless and my sense of well-being felt stable and permanent.

Then there were struggles I could not envision overcoming. There seemed to be no options or possibilities, and the ease of doing right began to feel like delusion. Yet
the mind knows, sometimes far off at the periphery of consciousness that a path will
unfold, meanwhile the stakes have risen and the darkness deepened -- the light that comes is further distant and more important to grasp and elusive.

As the years passed the ready comforts fell away. The mind observed itself despite the labyrinthine contortions that posed as reality in the abyss. Structure remained in shadow and spaces became intolerable - when they occurred I left and the repercussions were unfathomable.

When the anguish that heaved my chest no longer entered the day, night became
salvation and dreams more important than waking. Where fullness once seemed
achieved, emptiness yawned and mocked in merciless echo. It was then

that is now.

Again choice looms, weaving the inescapable absence of the past into the unyielding
veil of the infinite, hovering above duality.